Before Words: Touch as Our First Language
- East West Center Atitlan
- Apr 22
- 3 min read
How early physical contact shapes our brain, body, and ability to connect
In the beginning, before speech, before thought, before even sight—there was touch.
Long before we develop verbal language, our bodies communicate through sensation.
As infants, we rely on touch to interpret the world, to bond, and to survive. The warmth of a caregiver’s skin, the rhythm of a heartbeat, the cradling of a body—these are the first “words” we understand.
Touch is not just something we experience; it’s how we come to know the world.
Touch Builds the Brain
From birth, physical contact plays a crucial role in the development of the brain and nervous system.
Research has shown that consistent, nurturing touch stimulates neural growth, emotional regulation, and even long-term resilience.
In one landmark study, premature infants who received daily skin-to-skin contact (kangaroo care) gained weight faster, had better oxygenation, and showed improved brain maturation (Feldman et al., 2002).
Touch activates the vagus nerve, which helps regulate heart rate, digestion, and the parasympathetic nervous system—laying the groundwork for emotional safety and connection.
When a baby is held with warmth and attunement, their body receives the message: “You are safe. You are welcome.”
This message becomes encoded in the nervous system.
It sets the foundation for how we relate—to others, to our environment, and to ourselves!
The Lasting Impact of Early Contact
The absence or inconsistency of touch in early life can lead to long-term consequences. Children raised in environments with neglect or limited physical affection often show increased cortisol levels, disrupted attachment patterns, and difficulty with self-regulation.
Even in adulthood, many of our emotional patterns—our ease with intimacy, our ability to soothe ourselves, our trust in others—are shaped by these early tactile experiences.
This is not to assign blame, but to offer insight:
Our earliest encounters with touch become the blueprint for future connection!
Touch Is Communication
What makes touch so powerful isn’t just the sensation—it’s the message behind it.
A gentle hand can say: I see you. You matter.
A reassuring touch can say: You’re not alone.
And a consistent embrace can reinforce: You belong.
Touch conveys presence when words fall short!
For infants and adults alike, the quality of contact—attuned, caring, non-intrusive—matters more than quantity.
Reclaiming Our First Language
Even if you didn’t receive ideal touch in early life, the story doesn’t end there.
The nervous system remains plastic—it can learn, adapt, and heal.
You can begin to rebuild your relationship with touch through conscious, embodied practices:
Self-touch: Place a hand on your heart, stroke your arm gently, or hold your belly while breathing deeply.
Safe relational touch: Share an intentional, present-moment hug with someone you trust.
Therapeutic environments: Explore somatic therapy or bodywork where safe, consensual touch is practiced with care.
The goal isn’t to relive the past, but to offer the body a new experience of safety and connection—right now!
Reflection Questions
What was your earliest memory of being held or touched?
How do you respond to safe, nurturing contact today?
In what ways would you like to reconnect with your sense of touch?
Reference:
Feldman, R., Eidelman, A. I., Sirota, L., & Weller, A. (2002). Comparison of Skin-to-Skin (Kangaroo) and Traditional Care: Parenting Outcomes and Preterm Infant Development. Pediatrics, 110(1), 16–26. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.110.1.16
Uvnäs-Moberg, K. (2003). The Oxytocin Factor: Tapping the Hormone of Calm, Love, and Healing. Book Summary via Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1025856.The_Oxytocin_Factor
Montagu, A. (1986). Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin. Harper & Row. Overview from Psychology Today
https://www.amazon.com/Touching-Human-Significance-Ashley-Montagu/dp/0060960280
Hertenstein, M. J., & Weiss, S. J. (2011). The Handbook of Touch: Neuroscience, Behavioral, and Health Perspectives. Springer. Book listing
Coan, J. A., Schaefer, H. S., & Davidson, R. J. (2006). Lending a Hand: Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat. Psychological Science, 17(12), 1032–1039.